Life, in Motion

my showers..

Hahahahaha this is so true.

lolzpicx:

Morning shower:

Night shower:

Just Funny Pics click here for more

(Source: theepichumor, via rawreric)

16 Things I Wish I Would Have Been Told in High School

Perhaps a better title for this would be, “16 Things I Wish I Would Have Listened To In High School,” because I’m pretty sure I was told these things, I just didn’t care. But I wish someone would have really grabbed me by the shoulders and drilled these into my head; one of those “if I only knew then what I know now,” kind of things. So for those of you in high school, with kids entering or in high school, or my fellow collegiates that want to reminisce your teenage angst, here’s what I wish someone would have told me in high school. 

1) What seems like the absolute BIGGEST deal ever in the whole world right now will mean absolutely nothing in the grand scheme of your life. Best friend called you a slut? Boyfriend won’t answer your phone calls? Rumor that you’re pregnant with your bio teacher’s baby? Don’t waste your time. Do not let little things like that get to you, because four years later you’ll be laughing your ass off with your friends about all the things in high school you got so worked up about that meant absolutely JACK SHIT. 

2) You don’t love him. If there’s one thing every girl in high school needs to know, it’s that. and even more importantly, HE doesn’t love YOU. Now I know plenty of couples that have been together since HS and are engaged, married, etc, and that’s wonderful, but love is something that builds over time, and that’s also a one in a billion chance. Just because you guys talk on the phone until 3am and he bought you flowers when you were sick that one time, doesn’t mean you should start thinking of baby names just yet. You will date SO MANY PEOPLE in your Life, don’t let the jackass in high school that took your friend to Homecoming instead of you be your downfall. You’re still pretty, and he’s a loser. And that girl probably isn’t your friend. 

3) You’re not a good driver. I don’t care who you are, any 16-18 year old with a license IS NOT A GOOD DRIVER (this is extra true for girls, sorry ladies, it’s true). Be extra careful behind the wheel, don’t drive 20 people around at the same time in your truck, and please please PLEASE don’t race your buddy’s mustang. You have no idea how many people passed away in my hometown at young ages in car accidents. You might feel like a badass for about 10 seconds, but it’s not worth you, or anyone else’s, life. 

4) Your grades MATTER. I did well in high school, but I could have done better. Your grades are so, so, so important as far as your rank, GPA, getting into a good college, scholarships, etc, go. And as hard/daunting as it seems to do that project or study for that exam, college is SO MUCH HARDER. So get that work ethic now so you’re not crying yourself to sleep over your chemistry book you first semester at UT….not that I did that or anything…

5) Getting college credit for anything is a HUGE FUCKING DEAL. No one explained to me what “3 hours of college credit” meant in high school. Three hours? No worries, I can knock that shit out in a day! Yeah, right. No, it takes a whole semester and you’re going to wish you’d never had to take that Rhetoric, History, Physics, Blahblahblah class because lecture is boring, homework is hard, and the tests are brutal. Take college classes over the summers and STUDY FOR YOUR DAMN AP EXAMS so that you’re not busting your ass every summer in college playing catch-up. 

6) Your English teacher knows her shit. I had the most whimsical, craziest, most frustrating English teacher in high school, and I resented every second of her class. But, because of her, I’ve aced every paper I’ve written in college and have the creativity of fucking Picasso when it comes to abstract projects. No matter how much you want to push back the teachers that push you out of your comfort zone, embrace it, because they know what the hell they’re talking about. They’ve been there, done that.

7) Don’t be a bitch. This one is simple. Don’t be that girl that calls everyone a slut, makes up rumors, breaks a girl’s nose at lunch, throws milk on her boyfriend in front of the entire school, makes her teacher cry, etc. It’s not worth the backlash, the multiple times your car will get egged (twice in one night one time, kids are brutal), OR being put in ISS (in-school suspension). The things that happen in that room you cannot un-see. Plus, this attitude only sets you up for failure. The real world doesn’t work like high school (uh, duh); you’re going to have to learn to take shit from people you don’t like and ignore what really bothers you sometimes. Unless you like being fired.

8) That being said, if and when you do get yourself into sticky situations your teen angst has led you to, never take the first punch. Defense is always a lesser punishment that just clocking a girl in the mouth…just sayin’. 

9) Your mom knows exactly what you’re doing, all the time. Seriously. I don’t care what awesome “I’m staying at her house, she’s staying at my house, you’ll never know where we are” brilliant plan you’ve come up with, your mom knows exactly where you are, what you’re doing, and who you’re doing it with. She may not always let you know, but just remember that your parents were 16 at one time, too, and that’s why your mother was such a young mom. Wink.

10) Your music is shitty. Yeah, it just is. You’ll still like it 4 years from now, but you’ll be like “I had the worst taste in music ever…AND WITH MY ONE LAST GASPING BREATH I’D APOLOOOOGIZE FOR BLEEDING ON YOUR SHIRT. Damn, dude, these guys were fucking deep.” 

11) When your boyfriend leaves for college, he’s sleeping with other girls…lots of other girls. If you’re dating a guy older than you and he graduates, just call it off. It’s not worth wondering where he is all time and why he isn’t texting you back. It’s because he has some other bar crawl girl’s panties in his mouth and they’re busy exploring places you didn’t even know existed. And you don’t need to know until you make it to college, too. So, let it go.

12) Save your money. Get a part-time job and instead of blowing it all on new clothes, save it. College is expensive, your parents aren’t as rich as you think they are, and financial aid is a bitch. Apply for as many scholarships as you possibly can and keep every cent you earn. You’ll appreciate it when you’re not $100,000 in debt to Obama after graduation. 

13) Laugh at the rumors. Don’t ever, ever, ever defend yourself to a rumor. “You’re a slut!” “Yeah, and your boyfriend likes it!” This will make you seem way cooler, and not like a slut. Crying and trying so, so very hard to prove to everyone that you’re NOT on your knees every weekend will only make you seem more guilty. Everyone is a slut in high school, metaphorically (what?), so just let it roll off your back, laugh about it, move on. Whoever is coming up with those things probably isn’t smart enough to argue with, anyways. 

14) Appreciate your small school & faculty. If you went to a large high school, well, this doesn’t apply to you because I didn’t. At first, I hated how tiny my high school was, and I couldn’t stand the close-knit faculty. But, as I got a little older and a lot more involved, I learned to absolutely love it. Smaller schools give you so many more opportunities to get ahead and get people behind you that really WANT to see you succeed, and have the tools to help you get there. There is nothing wrong with being teacher’s pet or buddying up to your principal when you’re making A’s and leaving school early while everyone else is stuck in a classroom. 

15) That being said, GET INVOLVED. Play any and every sport, make every honor society, hold positions in Student Council, join the freaking Chess club, whatever you like and keeps you busy. It looks good on your resume, even years later, and you know what people do in high school when they’re bored? They drop out. Find your niche and do it. 

16) Go ahead, have a beer. I didn’t drink hardly at all in high school. I think I was drunk once, and it was an accident (I promise, Mom). But, honestly, I kind of wish I had. I was pretty unprepared for the amount of alcohol that would be flowing in college, and I had to learn my limits the hard way. So, have a beer or two with your friends on the weekend. Just, make sure someone doesn’t so they can drive. I’m not going to give you a long “don’t drink and drive” speech, just don’t do it, please. Ever. 

If this keeps even one person from crying over a boy or decking someone in the face (first, remember), then I’ve done my job. Hope you learned something, got a good laugh, or at least feel me on most of these. Here’s a picture of me, my brother, and my sister-in-law at my HS graduation, circa 2009, for your enjoyment. I know, I was adorable. 

21 Things I Wish I Would Have Known Before Moving Out

So, I grew up as an only child, in a house where my mother stayed home, and my dad was gone Monday-Friday. Not only did this mean I got to do badass things with my dad on the weekends, but it also meant my mom took care of everything that normal kids called “chores.” I never washed a dish, made a bed, swept a floor, did the laundry, etc, and it was heaven. In all honestly, I didn’t even know other kids did that stuff. And now that you pretty much hate me, feel free to call me a brat, because up until 18 years old, I pretty much was one. I appreciate more than I can say how much my mom did for me and dad provided for us, but there are a few things I wish my parents would have taught me (i.e. shit my friends knew about and made fun of me for being completely hopeless)  before they decided to let me pack up and move out for school (neither of them went to college, also, so I wasn’t prepared, AT ALL). So, ladies and gentlemen, behold my List of Things I Wish I’d Known Before Living on my Own: A Complete Guide for the Only Child (it’s a mouthful, I know, I’m working on it).

These are organized by the year I learned them. From my dorm to the apartment to my house, here’s what I’ve learned from Life so far. 

1) Community bathrooms are the devil. It’s obvious, but you seriously don’t understand until you live it. The worst part for me? Other people’s hair in the showers. Leg hair or head hair? Or even worse…yeah, it’s disgusting. 

2)  Sharing space with someone is hard. My roommate was my best friend, and though we generally got along, just living with someone is difficult when you’re used to your own space. First item on the list to learn? Patience. Second thing? Find somewhere else to spend your time. Cuddling up with your roomie in the dorm all the time will drive you nuts. Whether it’s another friend’s dorm, the library (nerd), or your favorite coffee shop, get away when you need to. (P.S. Kirstin, I love you. Dorm time was fun time.)

3) Learn to talk about something other than yourself. You gotta learn to LISTEN. Seriously, it’s the only way you’ll make friends. 

4) GO. TO. CLASS. If I could tell freshman me anything, it would be this. My GPA is still suffering from the days I spent in bed instead of in Calculus (though I probably still would have made a C). 

5) Remember meals. Without someone making all my meals for me, I started forgetting to eat. By the time 3pm rolls around, you’re so ravenous that you’ll grab the first thing you smell (which was usually Wendy’s) which brings me to my next point…

6) Eventually, fast food will make you sick (or fat, whichever comes first). When you’re used to home-cooked meals (or even school lunches for that matter) a burger and fries three times a day will eventually destroy your stomach, or pack on the freshman 100. Seriously.

7) Your dorm will never be clean. I promise. I don’t care how OCD you or your roommate are, in a space that small, clutter and mess are unavoidable. So, start prepping for stepping over laundry and books drunk in the dark.

8) Dishes should be done right away. Because if not you’ll get GNATS. GNATS EVERYWHERE. Seriously, I don’t know where they come from but God forbid you leave your bowl of milk out overnight and in the morning there’s a goddamn swarm of mini devils in your kitchen. Which leads to me to also say, CLEAN OUT THE FRIDGE AND PANTRY. You wouldn’t believe the things you buy and don’t eat that grow mold. And you know what does eat molds? FUCKING GNATS. EVERYWHERE. I learned a trick to trap them though. Fill a tiny bowl with white vinegar and a few drops of dish soap. They’ll flock to it then get stuck, so you can laugh like an asshole when you dump them down the garbage disposal. 

9) Flies never die. If you don’t take care of your gnat problem, or you just leave your back/balcony door open too long, you know what else takes over? Flies. And unlike gnats who will usually disappear when the mess does, FLIES NEVER LEAVE. So invest in a flyswatter and some serious ninja skills to take care of the little bastards. 

10) LAUNDRY. I knew nothing. Absolutely nothing. There’s different fucking temperatures you can wash things? And what’s a “cycle”? Softener? How soft do my clothes need to be? Have a roommate or mom teach you these things before you end up with pink socks, destroyed shirts, or an overflowing washing machine (this shit happened to me, flooded the kitchen and everything, slip and slide anyone?). Oh, and READ LABELS ON CLOTHES. Hand washing will become your worst enemy, if that’s what the tag says, don’t fucking buy it.

11) Small mammals have expensive vet bills and will still die eventually. I don’t care how much you miss Fluffy, YOU DON’T NEED A PET. Especially a rabbit, guinea pig, mouse, whatever the hell you think is cute and adorable, IT’S NOT. Especially when you’re cleaning its cage at least once a week or when it gets pneumonia and the vet charges you $75 just to tell you it’ll be $1000 to “maybe” save it. Seriously. Just, get a fucking fish. 

12) Dogs don’t belong in apartments. Especially puppies. Especially puppies that will eventually be big, 50-pound dogs that can climb on the counters and turn the GAS stove on in the middle of the night to try and poison you. Wait until you have a house, or at least get something that won’t top 10 pounds and never barks. Good luck.

13) Don’t leave shit on top of the toaster oven or microwave. It’ll melt. This one kind of speaks for itself. 

14) Don’t run over broken bottles and don’t drive in the snow. I learned this within a month of each other. Broken bottles = 4 new, EXPENSIVE tires that Dad will bitch about forever, and snow = multiple spin outs and new dents in your new car. The one goddamn time it snows in Texas…

15) Fish are awesome. As noted by #11, fish are the perfect pets. They don’t make noise, they’re inexpensive, if they die, you probably won’t feel THAT bad, and cleaning their bowl is simple and only done maybe like twice a month. My beta fish Gem is a sweet little gentleman and the best pet ever. 

16) Cooking. Uh, it’s hard. But, if you don’t want to go broke from eating out, it’s necessary. Best way to start? Get mom’s recipes or, if your mom is like mine and doesn’t have a recipe for fucking ANYTHING and just “cooks from experience” (whatever, Mom), invest in a cookbook. Please note the following: boiling water takes forever, check to make sure there’s nothing in the oven before you turn it on, you WILL burn things, just get over it now, and ask a roommate before doing anything you find risky (“Hey Linda, how do I cut a tomato?” Seriously, she probably saved my fingers.)

17) Sweep UNDER things. My mom always said I was a pro at just “not seeing” messes. If it wasn’t pointed out to me or right in front of my face, it wasn’t dirty. Plain and simple. But then when you’re hosting a party for you spirit group and the girls come over to help you move furniture and there’s dust, an old dog bone, hair ties, something undecipherable that seems to be alive, and a ripped up Cosmo under the couch, you’ll be too embarrassed to even stammer out “Uh, let me get the broom…”

18) Don’t cry when your car battery dies. Or do, but then when you FINALLY get ahold of your dad, he’s going to make fun of you and never let you forget it. And your mom will lecture you on how to handle Life. And then you’ll start to never trust your vehicle and flip out every time it makes a weird noise. If your car battery dies, pour some Coke on it if there’s a bunch of corrosion on the battery, and if not, call AAA or a tow truck or some shit, then calmly tell mom & dad what’s going on. You’ll seem super responsible.

19) People will use you. I didn’t learn this until recently, but everyone does not always have good intentions. Whether it’s men, other women, people in the workplace, or even your good friends, you can and probably will be used at some point. Don’t trust everyone you meet, but don’t live Life critically. It’s a delicate balance I’m still trying to figure out, but just don’t have a breakdown every time it happens- think of it as a learning experience and move. the. fuck. on. 

20) Kids aren’t that bad. I never babysat, I hated my little neighbors, and when my brother (WHAT I THOUGHT YOU WERE AN ONLY CHILD. Yeah, he’s my half brother and we never lived together so I am. Functionally. Shut up.) had a baby I was scared to hold him because, well because kids gave me the heebie jeebies. But since becoming an aunt and volunteering with kids with my spirit group, I’ve learned that kids are just tiny drunk people. They’re hilarious and will pretty much repeat/do anything you say, which is super fun, and I guess they’re pretty cute…once they can go to the bathroom by themselves. 

21) WORK. OUT. Just recently figured this out as well. Even if you think your body is fine, being healthy is so important. Since I hired my trainer and tweaked my diet I have more energy, I don’t get sick as often, and I all around feel happier (most of the time). So whether it’s the gym on campus or running a couple miles every day, find what works for you and stick to it. Cause slob is never sexy and eventually walking around campus won’t do the trick for all those jack & coke’s you’re throwing back downtown every weekend. 

So, there you go. That’s what I’ve learned so far, and what I wish I’d known beforehand. If this list even keeps one person from buying a fucking rabbit or blowing up their washing machine, I’ve done my job. Or maybe you just got a good laugh at the stupid shit I didn’t know. Whatever. 

For more enjoyment, here’s a photo of my first time using a manual can opener, circa 2010. Didn’t even know they existed. 

Walk Beside Me

There is no greater decision made in Life than which battles you’re going to fight, and those you will remain on the sidelines for. Within the context of a relationship, this becomes inexplicably important. There is no harder decision. There is no bigger problem, from what I have seen, within love, than picking a battle.

We fall in love with who someone is. That’s the basics. Everything else, is a bonus. Or, more importantly, everything else we may not love. But no one is “fixable.” Some things are innate aspects to someone’s personality, not just obnoxious habits or antics that you can alter because they don’t fit your life. Relationships are about compromise. They’re about understanding. All I want is to support someone in the life they lead, and love alongside them, not in front of, or over, them. You cannot change someone. If there is a legitimate fault in their Life that needs changing, they must come into that conclusion on their own. And, as I said, some things are not meant to be changed, they’re meant to be understood and worked with, and loved just as much as everything else. 

I would never want someone to try to mold me to fit their Life, their version of the relationship. That’s not the way it should be. It’s not two lives adjusting each other and picking pieces they want to mold into one Life. It’s two different people, loving and respecting each other enough to support and live alongside each other as partners. 

I feel like there are some people who will never understand that, and for that, I will never understand them. Love isn’t selfish, people are. 

Then again, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t stand up for yourself, or let someone know when they’re hurting or bothering you. There’s nothing wrong with voicing a feeling. But there’s such a delicate balance within Love of rationality and extremes. You have to really know who your partner is, and be gentle with them, even if they’re strong- it’s your duty. 

As much as I dish it out, I don’t handle criticism well. In any aspect of my Life. But I can let it roll off my back from the people who hand it out, unless they’re someone I love. I’m delicate; I need that dainty touch when fragile words are being handed out. Some people say they don’t, but that doesn’t mean they deserve roughness. 

Lots of good things happening. Willing to stick it out and see where the ride takes me.